plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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