so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
