I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
