Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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