I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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