walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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