I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
