Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
