i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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