There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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