He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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