just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
