My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think my fart just growled at me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
