I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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