I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
