I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
