She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize