I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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