he puts the penis in happiness.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
