Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
