Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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