The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
