She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
