I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
