Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you traded sex for a burrito?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize