I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
