It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
