What a fucking waste of an outfit
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
