i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
