i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
