Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
