Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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