if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
