First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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