I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
