How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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