Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
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