I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
