glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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