hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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