Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
