I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
