Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
This house was built for laser tag.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
