One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
