he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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