So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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