You can't motorboat a personality
And the cops told us we were all naked.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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