we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
