My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
