very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
