i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
