Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
