No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
God I need to hump something, right now.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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