You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
