Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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