Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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