So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
