i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
