My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
