She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
