Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
