Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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