You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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