i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
