His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Randomize
