She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
