I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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